okay pat passed out under dana's car
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
