I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i was born a porn star she said
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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