I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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