Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
