you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
