I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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