Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
