You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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