If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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