just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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