Soap is not a condiment
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
