Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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