I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
