Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
