i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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