I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
