hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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