Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
