i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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