Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
