He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
