took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
