That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
