i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize