I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
