Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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