My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Quick, to the slutcave!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
