saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
