made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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