You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
