i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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