I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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