Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
