This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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