The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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