If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
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You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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