well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
