Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
