If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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