real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
