Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
PANTIES FOUND
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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