You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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