well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
