The beer is more important than you right now.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
