Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he puts the penis in happiness.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
