the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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