so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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