I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
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I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.