i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?