hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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