I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
