I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
