So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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