tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
