he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
