all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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