I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
