I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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