can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
NoShamevember. You game?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
