How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
