He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
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My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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