If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
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I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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