life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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