I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
