My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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