I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
