Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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