Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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