She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
