and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
